This is going to be a very different post and definitely my most personal to this date. I know you guys are probably looking for bookish content, but life has been super messy and busy lately, so I wanted to just quickly sit down and write this post.
I was inspired to write this by Annie, from Zoelogist, whose posts I absolutely adore. She’s so smart and all her posts are really thought-provoking. Even though she has never written about her journal entries, I feel like this is the type of post she would’ve shared. I will never be as eloquent as she is, but still, I wanted to try.
I started journaling for real only recently. It was one of my 2019 resolutions to write more. At the beginning of the year, I had this journal to documment all the books and movies I read, but soon I realized it would be too time-consuming, since I was reading and watching so much.
I dropped it and only got back to journaling now. It is the most personal type of journaling I’ve ever done, and it’s been such a great journey. I feel like, before, I’d have these really deep thoughts and I’d dismiss them quickly, but now I actually sit with them for a while longer and try to put them into words.
I’m journaling in English, for obvious reasons, but also because I find that I think in English most of the time these days. My friends probably think I’m crazy.
But yeah, there you go, some of my favorite parts of the journal entries I’ve written so far
(because sometimes I actually can be smart and write stuff I’m proud of):
“I feel like most of the time I’m just existing on my own private world and hoping desperately for someone to bust down the walls.”
“I’ll never have prom or homecoming or football games or school plays. I’m getting older by the minute and Halloween parties and school dances are all part of a dream inspired off of Disney shows and YA books that will never come true. And even though it’s been 10 months since I left high school, it feels like only now I can come to terms with it. It’s hard giving up on something you never had to begin with.”
“At what point do you go from a ‘I-think’ teenager to a ‘I-know’ adult?”
“Basically: being ace also sucks and we’re not even free to complain about it because ‘you’re not being beat up on the streets over it’.”
“Revisiting old journals, I realized this may be the first time I am writing about myself and not my idols or other celebrities. My autobiography will start at the age of 19.”
“I am the world’s most self-depreciating narcissist. In fact, I think there’s something inherently narcissistic about self hate”.
If you’ve read this far: do you journal? If not, did you keep a diary when you were younger? Do you like looking back on it or it’s too cringe-y? What did you write about? Let’s chat in the comments!